my brother used to sit
outside on the roof at night
to live freely
with no walls
confining him
breaking
loose of authority and rules
his escape
he used to wait
until we were asleep
until we were asleep
and creep
onto the ledge
outside of his window
climbing up
the red brick walls
onto the steep ledge
climbing up
the red brick walls
onto the steep ledge
of the roof
I would hear him drop
rocks down
onto the driveway
watching them crack
open
open
listen to his
footsteps slipping
footsteps slipping
into sleep.
This was a really beautiful poem - I like the imagery a lot. The notion of no walls and the images you project in this poem are in perfect balance. Also, I have no idea if this was your intention, but the structure of the poem almost seems to mimic the idea of a rock falling as well.
ReplyDelete- Travis Lyle
i like poems that arent about love or death or anything dumb like that. but i really like poems that look at the small quiet parts of life. by the end of reading this, i felt really calm. i mean the first part is rebellious but by the end its not so much hes not trying to rebel but more like hes thinking and contemplating. i like that. ahaha
ReplyDeleteThanks, guys!
ReplyDeleteTravis- yeah I based this off of a poem I read that was about two sisters' relationship and it's very serene and peaceful but there is a hidden darker meaning in it.
So yes, the idea of the rock falling is close to what I was getting at. I tried to put something a little darker, haha, in it but it's hard to detect if you aren't looking for it- in the line breaks and the concrete nouns/verbs but you definitely are on the right track!
Thanks!
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI really love this poem too! it's about something that could be considered 'rebelious' at first but at the same time it's so calm and routine for him. I like how it's like the white noise that puts you to sleep, that's really interesting.